oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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