the condom got lost in my hair
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
