I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
