you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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