so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
