saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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