You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
