I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
