I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
