On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
