I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My vagina just clenched in fear
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
