Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
