i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
