She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
