Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
