i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
