my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize