Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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