I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
