mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
