if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
