Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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