My nipple is on Facebook.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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