i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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