im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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