Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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