I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hippo gnu deer
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
