Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
