When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
