I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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