Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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