So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
