the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
