I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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