Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
