Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
