I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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