so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my being single is dangerous.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
