Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
