I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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