I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
