he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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