Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
