theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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