Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
