In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
