Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
