fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
