he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We are all done wearing pants today
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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