I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
