Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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