I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
