Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
