Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
